Update Letter: Who Killed Kenney?

Dearly Beloved,

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written a letter to my Self. This may be the longest I have ever gone since the foundation was started. This letter is going to take on a more personal note, like my last letter. My personal journey over the last 4 months or so, so it might be a bit lengthy for some. 

For those of you who have continued to support my work I want to thank you as this period of time has been a challenge, yet rewarding. Thank you for believing in me! I want you to know that I believe in you!

Update: Where have I been? Who Killed Kenney?

Back in March and April of this year, things seemed to be going well. I had recovered from the emptiness I experienced from the “loss” of my ex-girlfriend, which I knew would turn out to be an illusion of loss. Having confronted that illusion, it turned out to be the greatest gain of my life to date. In our commitment to stay close friends, which are always “forgiveness partners”, we found a love that never dies.  I was able to be happy for her despite that she moved into another loving relationship and continue to support her as a spiritual advisor without a motive of “self”, which means to guide a conversation or console someone for your own selfish rewards.  I’m very grateful I have been able to love both her and the new boyfriend, as we have all become great friends.

 My connection with the Voice of the one Self and the Light of Christ, has allowed for “Real-Empathy” to further blossom. This means the Holy Spirits, not me, speaks through me more easier as I have progressed over this period. Every day it has gotten stronger, even though there are periods when I lose the connection lost in grievances and begin the addiction to talking or blabbermouthery(Vernon Howard term). Which is another way of saying I get caught in egoic thinking again, blaming this or that for my happiness, speaking from the illusion of mature judgment, and there is a motive of self-present. Nevertheless, the Voice is always there, as soon as I get silent in wish to live in a miracle-forgiving mindset, which is to rest in Right-Mindedness .  The Holy Spritt will speak as much as I’m willing to let it, and a little willingness is all that is needed to get started again. The breaks are ALWAYS driven by fearful or guilty emotions and appetites of the world. Those breaks are always met with its gentle Voice, which says “let’s start again fresh”, which is really comforting. The slogan of “The Great Crusade” – “Listen to my Voice, Learn to undo error, and DO something to correct it”, has taken on a deeper meaning.

The process has gotten so natural that I knew it was time to start the Voice of the One podcast. Having looked at the podcast project goals, the “Plants and Miracles” series made the most sense as the teaching of Ayahuasca lacks the Christ-Vision teaching in any written form today. I have found that every other spiritual teaching in the world today, that I have worked with personally, has at least one illumination vision teacher the Christ-Mind can lead the student to if needed.

(I feel it is important to note that Christ-Vision isn’t perceived as only halos, which is a symbol of forgiveness in a holy relationship of Universal Mind. It also has a visionary light that pervades the world you perceive as the oneness of Gods Being and innocent Self. Both of these are expressions of true perception, that said true perception brings insights of other practicalities too. The ability to see clearly by merely looking at things without egoic thought or judgement, bringing powerful insights as well.)

So, I got started. The first four “Voice of the one Podcast” talks went so well. All I had to do was sit down and let the Spirit speak. At the same time I created one of the “Plants and Miracles” retreat program offering, which is a bit lengthy called “Love Holds No Grievacnes-The Escape from Darkness”. It’s long but I feel it will be much appreciated by a student who really wants to learn this teaching and is serious about discovering Christ-Vision and living beyond the veil in daily life. I also set up a Patreon account to allow for the community to begin to build and for a long term home for the body of this growing work. Shortly after I was inspired to do a talk on the nature of the “true Spiritual Eye” of Christ-Vision and the third eye or pineal gland, both of which ara used in the Ayahuasca teaching of “Plants and Miracles – The Flight of the Eagle and Condor ”.  I sat down and did the talk which ended quickly in about 30 minutes, after which I felt empty and loss of connection. I did another talk and felt the same emptiness. At this point the feeling began to pervade my attitude and mindset.  So I asked the question, “What is the true Spiritual Eye” and my mind began meditating very strongly.

Some background. When the spiritual eye awoke in me it was done through a lot of Grace. I had a series of teachers that I was guided to that Jesus walked with me through in my determination to choose love over fear.  A big part of that was a willingness to lead by God and accept Jesus as my teacher. It was only after it happened that He took me through the ACIM Urtext and began explaining to me the process I went through in Chapters 1, 2, and 3 in a very deep study. For a very long time I couldn’t understand it. My intellectual mind kept trying to understand it by thinking about it and it can’t be done. After some work in letting go of egoic thought and analyzing, which means to learn to simply be with information, I felt I had a pretty good handle on it. It appears at one point I did, when certain aspects of my vision were much stronger.  When I was living  more deeply in Sermon on the Mount, and now there was a mental block, several actually. All of which are egoic resistance to the Spiritual Eye in favor of the physical eyes and the solutions it sees.

When the mind begins to meditate very strongly as mentioned, it includes life experiences. Truthful ideas behind the meditation that the Holy Spirit has impregnated in mind come to life through prayer in the classroom of everyday life as learning reflections and insights of light . The quieter the mind is, the more miracle-based thinking is allowed to function, which allows the classroom of forgiveness to flower and correction to take place. I began to experience an incredible amount of resistance to this mediation. In truth it has been there for a long while, as my own visionary experience has been in and out. At times it gets quite strong and the world is full of light, and then it leaves me. Actually, I’m the one doing the leaving, doing the egoic thinking, judging, and getting caught in vanity and climax.

I have talked about this in my other letters. When the mind engages heavily in living in the past or future, opposites, comparisons,  differences, and climactic experiences, the state of constancy required to maintain Christ Vision is lost. It’s just part of the learning process involved in miracle forgiveness as you learn what is truly valuable is changless and constant vs. the inconstancy of worldly pleasures, physical eyes, and the comforts of the world. It’s not easy working out the problem there are really no satisfactions in the world. All resistance I feel boils down to just this and the ego fights so hard to keep the lie going otherwise the emotion of guilt will be no more.

This go around the resistance has been off the charts. The ego has been fighting like never before. As I have been meditating on the spiritual eye, areas of my mind that I have been holding on to have been surfacing in ways I never experienced before. It’s the usual suspects as security in money, orgasm or a high of some kind such as a taste and false beauty, which all drive more emotion and sense of lack, egoic thinking, and of course managing my own life in some way, which is more thinking about those things that equates to a loss of luminous vision. 

This is life on planet earth when you participate in trading securities, allow you mind to engage in she’s a cutie or sexy, and get caught in tasty treats. And what I used to experience as a minor intrusion on my peace in the past have become glaring spiritual conditions that are painful, which must be corrected by the eye. I have no choice but to change my relationship with these things NOW and in some cases completely let go if I want to grow. It has not been easy for me. I have been kicking and screaming again.

This time it surfaced as a difficult health condition involving my brain and overall mentality. It's not the first time. I began inquiring into the nature of darkness and the light that shines it away. As the prayer and meditation came to life, I had to go through yet another expansion phase which brought a lot of darkness to the surface as controlling voices to the light. The process has produced severe tension in my mind and an excruciating pain in my brain. I want to be careful in stating I am not playing a victim card here. This is my own mind attacking me and I’m very much aware of it now in ways like never before.

Before I go any further, I think it's important that I state that however I will be discussing pain, the meditation I'm speaking about is about ending the illusion off pain both emotionally and physically, which entails no longer making the unreal real. I feel it's of the utmost importance that ultimately, we are working towards the full realization that pain is nothing but a nightmarish dream, caused by a mind that's caught in a fever,  which is the illusion of separation from God. As Jesus explains in the ACIM, a mind that refuses to see that it is attacking itself and wants to die.

With this in mind, if I had to label the condition I've been experiencing in terms of western medicine, I would call it a series of cluster tension headaches. Headaches that are so strong they rendered me incapacitated a lot of the time with pressure in my skull. I can be out of it for long stretches. At one point I was unaware of how much time had passed even though I was mediating a lot. When the headaches cleared for the first time after over a  month and a half, it felt like just a few weeks had passed.  It was quite remarkable. I had no idea almost 2 months had gone by. I’m not kidding. After which I had a short reprieve of two weeks. Suddenly, the headaches started again, and the cycle repeated. The same phenomenon occurred and I tried to push through it. I started hearing some of my readers on the website and people listening the Voice of the One podcast wondering where the heck I am. “Who killed Kenney” lol.  There were several times that I started writing again and stopped as the tension really comes out on the page. The same thing happened with several podcast recordings. Giving and receiving is the same my friends, and I choose to not give tension. Looking back now, I feel it would have been better if I had at least informed you all that I was experiencing this phenomenon.

During this time, I wasn't thinking straight in many ways, however, in other ways I did perceive miraculously.  Even though I was incapacitated a large percentage of the time and suffering quite a bit, my mind has continued to meditate. Much of the time has been dedicated to prayer and meditation. There was no other choice really.. There's been a lot of soul searching and what felt like setbacks but aren’t really. I've definitely been searching for answers again, trying to let go of sick conditioning that has been there for a lot of years. Much of which I'll get into in letters to come.

As the meditations have commenced there has been some periods of light reading, until the tension gets too strong, and I'm back to resting with the Stillness observing the tension and what feels like a very sharp pain in the brain. There's also been some time when I watched spiritual movies and shows. One might say I'm binge watching them at times.  Many nights I couldn't sleep, and would stay up very late into the morning hours dealing with the physical pain. Watching these films became a way of healing the pain. Thank God for the "Lord of the Rings." What a fantastic series of deep spiritual truths. I'm not saying there weren't times when I didn't overdo it. The teacher of Silence was there.  

For those of you who may be concerned that it's a brain tissue problem, I've already been checked out with the latest technology in brain scanning and a psychological evaluation. The results yielded a very healthy brain and a high level of lucidity with no issues in comprehension as the world judges mental complex and insanity. The University of Pennsylvania is in agreement that the problem is spiritual in nature. Nevertheless, it's good to know that I'm not dealing with a brain tumor or something like that. My mother is certainly happy about it.

I want to talk a little bit about what I've been experiencing and my current state of mind. For those of you who are new to my work, it might all sound a bit much. I plan to write a piece in coming weeks about the angelic fall, which is really the situation we're all dealing with. And by that, I mean the spiritual principles in play in the denial of God, His Light, the children of light, and eternal qualities that have produced a world that is the exact opposite of everything God stands for. Which you'll see is true if you investigate the life you are now living.

Today, I'd like to begin with a poem from Jesus scribed by Helen Shucman and the Christian Mystic Miester Eckhart. It's possible I have quoted this more recently somewhere. I don’t remember.

"THE WILL OF GOD "

"There is a silence and a certainty, Apart from time; a peace and quietness Surrounded by a thousand angels' wings, And kept inviolate by God's Own Hand. It is for everyone. Yet very few Have found it. It will wait for everyone Who seek, and all of them will find at last, this secret haven, hidden from the world, and yet in open sight. Its clarity Is blazing, yet it is not often seen. Its call is constant, yet is rarely heard. Attack must overlook it, yet to love It gives an instant answer. Here the Will Of God is recognized and cherished still. And it is here that finally God's Son Will understand his will and God's are one." Jesus -The Gifts of God Poems

After many years of living in miracle forgiveness practice, I have discovered the state that Jesus discusses in his poem called the "Secret Haven." This is not just a metaphor that Jesus is speaking of as the people around you, but it does mean that too. It's a state of mind that one reaches after living with Christ Vision and it becomes more constant in one's own mind, having let go variable states of mind and judgment on different levels of perception. Perceiving without a reference to past and lack of a private mind, everyone is experienced as holy and a messenger of love from God.  

As I've discussed in other writings, the "Face of Christ"(I also refer to as the Halo) grows in your spiritual sight, which is an aspect of christ, vision and the angelic realm comes into view as the Sons of God.  This happens naturally as you let go of the belief in differences, so vanity and specialness, and no longer wish to save the face of your ego, managing “your own life” protecting the image of the body as your separate identity. Through the power of forgiveness a new “face of light” to look upon surfaces in the realization you are one Self in Self sameness. Your mind enters the circle of light, the true body of Christ, and a lovely circle of Atonement. In this shared holy mind you begin to perceive you are surrounded by these angels, beings of light that are indeed the birds of heaven, having remember this aspect of what you are as a being of light yourself.

(As you reach higher levels of perceptual integration through Christ vision, you begin learning the proper delineation of intra and inter personal boundaries. You could also say intra and inter-mental boundaries that exist as an individual being that is a co-creatorship with God and the Sonship. A being that is not divided in any way from any other being, whom all share God's Being, Mind, and Will in The Great Singularity of Gods Co-creative expression that is shared. One's mind is going through a re-association of oneself as light and as an angelic emanation, one of the birds of heaven as the Thoughts of God, yet still in shared single identity as one Self.)

You ascend just like Enoch and Isaiah did regaining your original state prior to the angelic fall. As you learn to live in Christ's Face in the realm of perception because you want to, you learn to live as an realized angel on this planet, one of Heaven's Messengers. Your mind is being prepared to reach a state that is parallel to the world beyond the veil and you can complete your own transfer back to the Kingdom of Heaven, having met its conditions. 

I'm reminded of another poem by Jesus called Benediction, once again Scribed by HellenSchucman.  Here it is below.

"Angels are Thoughts that come from God to you. Secure in their protection may you rest; Quiet in certainty that comes from them, At peace in mind and heart and holiness; Unmindful of the world, and sure that they Are with you, watching over you, and fixed In their determination to maintain Your mind at rest within the peace of God."

The angels are our brothers. We are the Sons of God. They're there with us  protecting our mind, and always have been. They assist us in letting go of our body identity, motivations in miscreation, the false rewards of the world, and the sickness of self-centered will.  As it was said above, 

"Here the Will Of God is recognized and cherished still. And it is here that finally God's Son Will understand his will and God's are one."

This is exactly what has been happening to me. I want you to discover the secret haven too. That doesn't mean that it's an easy process. At the same time I want everybody to know it doesn't mean that it has to be a difficult process for everyone either. However all of our conditioning is similar, some of us value illusions in other areas stronger than others. Jesus explains in the Urtext some of us have very strong misdirected wills. I am one of these people.  Which brings us to our next quote.

"The only thing that burns in hell is the part of you that won’t let go of "your" life: your memories, your attachments. If you’re frightened of dying and you’re holding on, you’ll see devils tearing your life away. If you’ve made your peace,, then the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth." - Miester Eckhart 

This quote has come to life for me in a very real way. I'm very much afraid to let go of my life in many ways still. Afraid to let go of my memories, attachments, complete control of my own life, and the body identity. 

The Light that the angels reside in is so strong. It's so bright. Over these last few months I been confronted again with another truth that Jesus discusses in the ACIM text and perhaps other works. We believe that we're afraid of darkness, when in reality we are afraid of light our true Reality. Oddly enough I experienced this in two ways. The first is, the attachments that I'm holding on to are causing me these terrible tension headaches. They feel very much like a rock I'm holding in my hand, but it’s in my mind. A piece of darkness that I'm clenching, holding on so tightly, refusing to let go of my pain because I believe or I’m deceived it offers me something I want. This clenching feels as if it's a tension in itself.

I can feel the angels working so gently to help release the grip I have, helping me to pry my fingers loose and let go. And the ego is trying so desperately, fighting to break away and stay in darkness turning away from the light.  This is one form of tension. The other is the Light of God itself.  As it's getting brighter I can feel my mind recoil from it, afraid to die to my conditioning and the illusion of the self I refuse to give up. I’m afraid to let the Spirit choose my food,  partner, work, and so on . The two tensions go together. At times I feel like my mind is in a vice, in a sort of mental pretzel of confusion, wanting to let go but without a whole desire to. That is what is needed. I have to really want to completely let go and do it with open hands. I can’t be conflicted about God’s plan, I must accept it.

Jesus teaches us further that these attachments are all grievances against the ever-present Now that is God and His Light. That's what happens every time we reach for something in the world to save us. It's really a grievance against the Now because God isn't good enough. What happens through us also happens to us. Such is the law of manifestation, that giving and receiving is the same. And because we have grievances against the Now, which is a rejection against God, we believe He has a grievance against us and is rejecting us. We fail to see that a grievance is never divorced from anger, mad at what is, and anger always fosters attack. As you can see we believe God is attacking us, having believed we attacked Him. That's a pretty good reason to be afraid of the Light and let go of our attachments. Sounds like a headache.

It's okay my friends. We are learning together. We must all keep walking and discover deeper still the true meaning of forgiveness by being gentle with ourselves. Everyday we start brand new and ask this question. What is forgiveness? And what's been truly exciting is, no matter the tension, the Answer is becoming revealed more and more. I'm letting go of more and more rocks and understanding the teachings of A Course in Miracles and Christian Mystic teachings like never before. In the coming weeks, I'll be writing about many of them. Topics such as sex, parenting, education, abundance, manifesting, and many others. I'm looking forward to sharing about the rocks I've been holding on to just as much as the ones I've let go of. And I will try to do so as honestly as I can.

And I want to inform you that the headaches have let up to some extent. The piercing pain has subsided, thank God,  however there is still a fair amount of tension that comes and goes. More rocks and more light.  I'm not exactly sure how consistent I will be just yet when it comes to publishing new material but I'm going to try. The entirety of the whole last year has been a lot of ups and downs, and my consistency has not been the best at all.  I honestly feel like my writing is a bit choppy and it lacks the normal flow. I want to thank you again for supporting me. It's so appreciated.

Update on Retreats and Other Offerings

I will be posting a new Ayahuasca retreat that is more basic than the last program published. That said if you want to do  the “Escape from Darkness” program let me know and I will take you through it.  If you're interested, please reach out to me. The team and I would love to have you. I also plan on starting to publish "A Course in Miracles" and "Plants and Miracles" Satsangs. You'll be able to attend via Zoom in the future. I hope I see you there!  We are getting closer to doing the podcast on Christ-Vision, Spiritual Eye, and the Pineal or Third-Eye. It will be a game changer for a lot of people. Don’t forget to subscribe to the YouTube channel and/or the other media outlets such Spotify, iHeart Radio, or Apple Podcast

Update on Spiritual Life Coaching

If you have any questions please reach out to me. My spiritual coaching practice is alive and well.  I have not been marketing the service over this time. Just working with a handful of existing clients. That's an area where I do everything possible to make myself available. You're important to me!  If you're questioning whether or not you want to work with me, feel free set up a meeting and find out for yourself.

Updated on the Golden State Teaching – The Perfect Body of Light

There's one last thing I want to cover today. I feel it's very important and an area perhaps I have been misleading people. It's regarding what I call the Golden State, or the  Golden Circle in ACIM. These terms are synonymous with the Face of Christ or Halo I write about. They are the manifestation of the Holy Spirit and Vision of Christ Mind , a vision of a holy relationship or Son of God. I believe this is the perfect body of light discussed in the Gospel of Philip we must put on. It's a state of mind that I reached in 2014. I'm not the only one who has written about it. I mentioned in other posts that tantric Master Barry Long discussed it as well. He also uses the term the Golden State of which I've been informing you is the result of living the true Golden Rule in ACIM. 

In my prior writings I have written that the Golden State is something that is constant. When in my own truth this is something I believe becomes constant in terms perceiving a Golden Light. I have only experienced Christ Vision as holy relationship that is becoming constant and see halos in which the light I feel has a diminished splendor. So in the sense the halo staying Gold you could call me a believer. Barry Long did write it becomes constant and I don't believe he was lying about it. We know for fact vision comes in glimpses at first because Jesus writes about it and that has been my own experience.  Initially when I achieved this Golden State it only lasted several hours before fading. That said it's coming did bring my mind to the “borderland” Jesus writes about and a world of angels beyond the veil which I discover is this secret haven.

After the Golden Halo experience or Face of Christ of that magnitude faded, I discovered I had to do more work to bring the halos back, which stabilized my vision of the angelic world. That said when the halos return to date they have been more of a silver white light, not gold, and with blue and purple hues at times. The light that passes through the mind has a rainbow sparkle to it.  As I said the halo’s have not been constant and less are constant with the people closest to me. People I work with on a daily basis I often don't see the light right away and there is a reason for that. They offer me salvation or learning situations to practice forgiveness. My parents are tough and share a lot of the same conditioning I have. People who don't, I don't want anything from nor am I projecting my own errors on to them that as my own concealed faults.

I find at the mall or airport I see halos everywhere because my mind has not created a image about them. It's feels like such a holy place for me.  As I have been explaining, the halo comes and goes as my own variable state of mind comes and goes, and whether or not I am holding an image about someone or myself. This means I’m living in the past again, started protecting myself from uncertainties, engaging in judgment, or favoring climaxes over constancy, and I lose my vision. Basically I build a body identity again, which means identification with "form" instead of the formless light which the halo springs from. The halo is an expression of the formless realm of the one mind of light as holy existence that is timeless or free of the past.

I don't know if I did it good enough job conveying this in the past. I'm in the process of revisiting all my work and getting more honest. I believe that the Golden State represents the end state of constancy of real vision and the incorruptible body discussed in the text. It is still my goal to reach this incorruptible state that is changeless. A condition where there is no negative reaction in the mind to what happens in the body, of which we know ourselves as the Sons of Gods and as perfect. I feel the visionary experience that I had represents the evolution of the species. And that the “end” state, this joyous Golden State that was shown to me was a revelation.  The only true way to find out is to make vision constant by living accepting  the “means”, which is practicing forgiveness in a desire for nothing else. I must live the Golden Rule like never before.  This I know is possible and the whole goal of A Course in Miracles , the New Testament teaching, and other the works of the apostles.  There is also a 2^nd hand option which entails stronger scribal abilities than I have today where Jesus confirms it as well as Barry's work. These are both goals I have and other topics that we are going to be discussing in the weeks to come.

Thank you so much for reading this letter,

God Saves,

Kenney